Wednesday, September 5, 2012


The anticipation of my first born going to preschool plagued me throughout the Summer. But not in a way that you might think. I yearned for the day when she would go to school. Wanting and needing that little bit of ME time. I always think of my sister-in-law in these times because she has 5 children, and she posted something about it 'being the best time of year'.  I definitely picture her skipping throughout her house singing 'its the most wonderful time of year'.....!

We planned and discussed and prepped lil miss for school and she was genuinely excited. Telling strangers we'd pass in the park or on our walks, "when I'm 4 I'm gonna go to school." I scoured different schools going to open houses and talking with other moms in our area. Finally deciding on a great school. This school just felt right, and putting Brooklyn in preschool at almost 4 years old seemed to be the perfect age for her.

SO why do I have this anxiety? Why did she hesitate slightly when I told her we were leaving, and I'd be back in a few hours to pick her up? Last night I remember feeling almost guilty at how excited I was to have dedicated time throughout the week to get things done. Knowing deep down we both needed that time to grow and learn and appreciate the time we have together. I want Brooklyn to love school and be excited to see us when we come pick her up. I want to cherish the time I have with her instead of counting down the minutes until bedtime.

And now that this day is upon us, I feel almost numb. Not quite sure if I should be more excited or more sad that she's finally in school. It absolutely doesn't help that my other lil one refuses to nap today. This kid usually naps at the time B starts school. Silly me...thinking I could set it up so G napped while B was at school, optimizing the most out of my ME time. SO whats wrong with me then? Why do I feel so empty? I know this will be easier after Day 1, but it feels weird, I keep expecting her to pop out of the playroom in some dress up outfit saying, 'look at me mommy, isn't it great'.

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